By Scarlett Lewis, Chief Movement Officer, Choose Love Movement
I lost my son, Jesse, 13 years ago at Sandy Hook. I’ve dedicated my life to be part of the solution so that you won’t have to live in fear, watching the receding back of your child’s head and wondering if it’s the last time you will ever see them. Or waiting for another alert on your cell phone, or the next news report about another school shooting.
Positive action is the opposite of anxiety. Anxiety leads us down a path of reactivity and focusing on the problem, which has never worked for any of the societal issues that continue to escalate and plague us, including violence, substance abuse, and mental illness.
The answer is not more fear, but more love in action.
There are proactive and preventative measures that should be in place at schools, and many schools are taking proactive steps to get it right and ensure the safety and wellbeing of our children.
In New Hampshire, former Governor Chris Sununu implemented a proactive approach by partnering with The Choose Love Movement to teach children how to learn from, grow through, and be strengthened by pain, and to make a thoughtful response from their highest and best self. This is about the power of choice, personal responsibility, and love.
We know from research that connection is key, and disconnection wreaks havoc. The CDC’s School Connectedness report (2009) found that students who feel connected at school are less likely to engage in violence, substance use, and risky behaviors, and are more likely to thrive academically and socially.
U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy (2023) has also emphasized that loneliness and social disconnection increase risks for violence, depression, anxiety, and even premature death. This isn’t rocket science, this is called humanity, caring for one another.
The solution is not about changing laws, fighting against the establishment, or even writing a check. This approach takes courage. The courage to see and be present with those who are hurting. The courage to step outside ourselves and our own busyness and distractions, and even pain, to listen to and help those in need. It’s that simple! But it takes a village.
Pathway to Violence
We’ve been focusing on the wrong end of the Department of Homeland Security’s “pathway of violence.” Hardening our schools will never get ahead of the problem. This has been proven as school shootings have become a way of life in America.
Tremendous amounts of money have been spent on the latest technological advances to protect our children, and yet we all know they are not safe. Worse yet, they know it too, and they have lost confidence in our ability to protect them.
Our children’s safety, health, and well-being are our #1 responsibility in life! The way to reduce, and yes, prevent the continuing suffering and ensuing carnage is to institute and implement true caring.
Does it sound too simple?
The best solutions always are! But simple isn’t easy. There needs to be a structured way to implement this proactive and preventative approach in schools, homes, and communities. The way forward is to study the places that have succeeded and implement their procedures. We must overcome our reactive approach that focuses on the problem while the problem itself grows. We’ve done this with substance abuse and mental illness as well, and it doesn’t work.
The solution will require that we address the root causes of suffering and care for those in need. It’s that simple. This takes a multi-pronged approach across all those directly involved, and even those who aren’t. It will require a universal language of caring and love.
The consequences of doing the same thing over and over will be more and more carnage, which is exactly what is happening today.
Shortly before my son, Jesse, was murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School, he left a message on our kitchen chalkboard, “Norturing Helinn Love” (Nurturing Healing Love). Kids who receive this feel good. People who feel good don’t want to cause harm to themselves or others.
I’ve dedicated my life to a solution called the Choose Love Movement. No one has come up with a better approach than getting back to the basics of humanity. Period.
